Well…that felt like a waste of time off…

I finally had a few days off from work. Unfortunately, I accomplished next to nothing.

Thursday I was on rotation for work so I couldn’t leave my house and worked most of the day. Jonathan cooked Thanksgiving dinner. I’ve been struggling with miserable RA back pain so I rested my back as much as possible. I didn’t spend a moment of time with my side of the family. I do miss my grandmother, but I do not miss the family shenanigans so I’m not upset.

Friday, I was off work and wasn’t on rotation. I drove to Dee’s house to help her get her farm use truck off her round pen. The truck’s transmission is stuck in drive so the truck can’t be backed up. We disassembled the round pen so the truck could drive through and we parked it on the other side out of the way. I also hauled off some trash for Dee because she has absolutely no transportation and, since we live in the middle of nowhere, no way of hauling trash to the dump. I often feel frustrated with Dee, but I also feel sorry for Dee because she’s a lightening rod for bad luck and unfortunate events.

While I was at Dee’s, MediumDog rolled in a pile of horse manure then on a putrid deceased groundhog carcass. I gave MediumDog a bath at Dee’s. Lifting a squirmy 60lb dog into the bath tub did my back no favors. However, allowing filthy MediumDog into my car for the 40min ride home wasn’t an option.

Saturday Jonathan’s family had their Thanksgiving so I spent the majority of the day there helping Jonathan’s grandmother. She is still recovering from a lengthy hospital stay. The majority of the visit I just tried to stay out of the way and hide my significant back pain. Jonathan’s family is very kind and accepting. It was nice to enjoy a Thanksgiving meal without an undercurrent of hushed drama.

Today I gave MediumDog a second bath. Fortunately, MediumDog hadn’t rolled on any new putrid carcasses or feces, she just had the residual stench of Friday’s adventures. I also gave BigDog a bath because he’s a lab and labs always need baths. Washing two dogs and cleaning up the bathroom did my back pain no favors. I had to go grocery shopping tonight which I only managed because Luke rode with me to the store and helped lift groceries and load the car.

Three days off work and I haven’t accomplished anything I set out to accomplish. My office is still a mess, the bedroom full of clutter, I didn’t list any items on Craigslist or Ebay to earn much needed extra money, I didn’t seal the tile in the downstairs hallway or accomplish any other home improvement chores… At least the dogs don’t reek?

The Lying Best Friend




This morning my best friend Lea called. We usually talk in the morning since she works nights and I work days. She confessed to me that she’s been lying to me for years and leading a double life. While pretending to be in a monogamous relationship with her boyfriend of 10+yrs, she was sleeping with hundreds of men. Sometimes 3-5 different men in the same day. She now says she’s a sex addict and she is going into a treatment program. She left her boyfriend almost a month ago and moved to another city.

That’s a lot to take in.

This isn’t the first time she’s lied about something significant either. Almost 10yrs ago, I caught her in a string of lies. She lied about moving to another city with her friend who had rented an apartment in preparation for their move. (She never planned to move and never told the friend). She was doing drugs on a regular basis and lied about that as well. She lied about a few other minor things too; the icing on the lie-cake. One night she called me sobbing and admitted her lies to me one after another. I comforted her and forgave her because I thought that’s what best friends do. I thought she gave up lying, at least about significant things. We all tell little white lies out of kindness. But I thought she gave up lying.

As it turns out, she never gave up lying. She’s been lying all along about nearly every aspect of her life. I’m hurt that she feels she can’t trust me when I’ve trusted her for so long, but I also feel like I can never believe anything she tells me again. I feel like I can never trust her again. It breaks my heart.

Fool me once? Shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me. Shame shame on me.

Ugh…Shenanigans at TheJob

TheJob has big plans to start monitoring and filtering all web activity. Unfortunately, once TheJob installed filtering, the entire network went down. TheJob has “rescheduled” the monitoring and filtering project but hasn’t announced a second deployment date.  For the moment, I don’t have to add TheJob on my social network accounts, but only until they decide to re-deploy the changes.

In other TheJob related news, I am now expected to work weekends. Since I’m a salaried employee, I do not get paid overtime. The more hours I work, the lower my hourly rate becomes. Greeeeeaaaat. Working 6-7 days a week every week leaves no time to work on important things like cleaning the house, spend time with Jonathan and the kids, go grocery shopping, basically anything. Oh, and while I work 7 days a week, TheJob would also like me get bachelor’s and master’s degrees paid for out of my own pocket. <eye roll>

I really don’t get paid enough for this. But, to get a job that pays more, I’d have to start working in another city. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Ugggghhh. This is frustrating.

Stupidity at TheJob

The situation at TheJob is starting to get out of hand. They’re implementing a type of web filtering this week. Web filtering isn’t entirely bad, but TheJob has filtered sites for products many of us legitimately use to get our jobs done. Sites for with samples of code, note taking apps, the website we use to check our cell phone plans (we use our personal cell phones for work), etc.

I’m frustrated because this is a pain in the butt and a huge technological step backwards. Instead of typing notes on my tablet during a meeting, I am now to handwrite notes on paper then type up the hand written notes after the meeting and email the typed notes to the participants. Double the work. Every meeting. Everyday.

TheJob is also beginning a huge social media monitoring endeavor. I find this aggravating for a host of reasons, but mostly because we are expected to add TheJob’s social media profiles to our social media to show we’re “committed and engaged”. I don’t mention work on my social media profiles nor do I find what I talk about on social media to be any of TheJob’s business. The problem is, there will be consequences. Negative consequences always follow crappy policies.

Do I close my accounts or wait for the consequences?

School Shanigans II, Luke, and DeeDee

It’s been a busy few weeks and I haven’t had time to write.

School Shenanigans: II

Luke’s school issue has been resolved. First, the school tried to re-use an education plan Luke had 6yrs ago (when he was in 2nd grade; he’s now in 7th). Then, when I requested a 504 meeting, to my surprise the school scheduled a meeting…only to cancel it a day later because I’m not Luke’s biological parent. After that, the school demanded a power of attorney. After that, the school demanded that I go to court and request legal guardianship of the children to have any involvement in their education.

At that point, I rolled my eyes – hard – and called my lawyer. My lawyer called the school’s lawyer which sorted out that issue rapidly. I contacted the school to schedule another 504 meeting making sure to reference the conversation between the lawyers. I gave the school two options. First, they scheduled the first option. Then the school canceled and rescheduled for the second option.

Surprisingly, the kids’ BioMom declared she plans to attend the 504 meeting as well. Interesting because BioMom chooses to be involved with, well, nothing related to the kids which might require effort, follow-up, or money. Hopefully involving BioMom in the meeting won’t turn into a huge disaster.

Suicidal Thoughts…Again

Luke is struggling with suicidal thoughts again. The majority of my waking hours have been spent preventing him from harming himself. Pills, knives, lighters, candles, and any other implements of destruction are locked in cabinets, filing cabinets, and my upstairs office. Neither Luke’s nor Oliver’s shoes have shoe laces by design. Luke’s belts are locked away too. Granted, a determined person can always find a way to commit suicide, but I’ve taken away as many obvious avenues as I can find.

Luke keeps “forgetting” to take his meds when he goes to BioMom’s house. Sometimes he claims to take his meds when he hasn’t. About 3 days without meds and he’s ready to die. If he can’t take pills and hang himself, he tries to stab himself with a kitchen knife. Without a kitchen knife, he’ll throw himself on the floor or slam his head into the walls. It’s like a storm. It lasts for half an hour or so then you clean up the aftermath.

The next psychiatric appointment is 8 days from today.


Dee has been struggling. She too suffers with severe mental illness and constant suicidal thoughts. She can’t pay her bills. She’s getting evicted soon. A guy she was dating stole her last $100 bill. DeeDee called me sobbing indecipherably. I was at work at the time.

I don’t know what to do for her. I loaned her a small amount of money…very small. Dee is such a needy person. All the help you offer Dee is absorbed so quickly it’s like it was no help at all. DeeDee is one of those people who make you wonder why they’re in your life – to teach you something, test your boundaries, or because life is random? Only time will tell.


School BS / Suicidal Thoughts

The Long Bullshit Story of Luke’s School: The Condensed Version

Luke’s school is refusing to speak with me. I attended a parent-teacher conference because Luke is failing math and social studies. I requested a modified education plan (504) since Luke has been diagnosed with ADD and GAD. The school tried to implement a 6 year old study plan (RtI) which is not legally enforceable like a 504. When I requested a copy of the RtI, the school decided I am not a “guardian”, cancelled the meeting, and is refusing to speak with me.

The school sent an email with paragraphs of legal-ese about my lack of guardianship. I sent the school officials a single line in response: “This is most unfortunate.” (By “most unfortunate” I mean: “I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer. Prepare for the mess you’ve created for yourselves. Talk to you soon. Buh-bye.”)

I don’t threaten. I also don’t mess around.

Luke’s Suicidal Thoughts

Tonight Luke confessed he’s been struggling with suicidal thoughts for days now. He can’t get the thought of hanging himself out of his head. For several days, Luke has been wrapping belts around his neck and pulling tight only to tell me he was “just joking”. I know better.

We talked for an hour before bed about how much I love him, how I would cry for him every day if he were gone, how his mom and dad would cry for him too and their lives would never be the same. It seemed to make an impact…I hope it made an impact. Luke seemed to cheer up some as he went to bed.

Another Day…

Today was pretty much like every other day. Nothing to see here. Nothing much to report. I cleaned the bathroom when I got up this morning. I cleaned the kitchen just before going downstairs to bed. I checked the finance app to make sure my recent purchases are pulling money from the correct budgets.

I bought a few accessories for Luke’s Halloween costume at a thrift store for $6.50. Luke is unhappy that the neck tie isn’t purely blue, but after 3 weeks and 6+ thrift stores, I could only find a mostly blue necktie. Oh, the horror!

One of the cats caught a mouse and left the bottom have of the mouse on the door mat to the garage. Gee thanks, cat. Just what I always wanted: mouse entrails.

Oliver sent me a text message before I got home from work that Luke was drinking soda and watching extra episodes of Netflix. Soda is a weekends only beverage and Luke and Oliver are allowed one Netflix episode each a night.  I’m glad Oliver didn’t punch Luke when Luke was monopolizing the TV, but I wish the kids had worked out their problems themselves. First things first: We’ll ween Oliver off expressing frustration physically then we’ll start encouraging the kids to work out problems together.