6 Months, Gray Hair, and a Very Itchy Brow

My left eyebrow itches. I can’t scratch it because it’s covered in hair dye. Yes, I dye my brows.  In spite of having naturally dark hair, my brows and lashes are albino white.

This is the first time I have dyed my brows with hair color. Normally I color them with eye liner morning. Thank goodness for youtube. I looked up several tutorials on brow coloring for fear the color would drip into my eyes. In the end, I decided to outline my brows in a thick layer of vaseline to prevent the dye from dripping into my eyes and also from staining my skin.

It’s been nearly 6 months since I last dyed my hair. Partly because I have been dying my hair for the past 13 years and wanted to see how much more gray it has become during that time and partly because the past 6 months have been a whirlwind of events, activities, to-do lists, and 60+hr work weeks.

I now have a thick white-grey streak of hair on the front right. If I had a fringe, the steak would be 3/4″ wide over my right eye. My head is populated with random streaks of white-grey hair now. The natural color has turned from medium warm brown to a dark ashy brown. Perhaps I would be upset about this if I hadn’t started getting a slew of gray hair at 18.

I didn’t start dying my hair because of the gray, but because cutting or dying my hair was outlawed by my strictly Christian parents growing up. It was more for adventure than rebellion because I hadn’t lived with my parents for 2yrs or more at the time. In addition to having a different hair color, I was pleased to find that the dye had a smoothing effect on my bushy, coarse, wild hair. The curls were more relaxed and my hair was smoother and shiner and for 13yrs this was my primary motivation for dying.

About 6 months ago my dad asked what my hair color was. I’m not sure how one forgets their child’s natural hair color, but he had. I guess I have grown my hair out for my dad as much as for myself.

Focus Like a Laser

I need to focus like a laser but I feel more like a search light at the moment. Work has been punishing. I’m behind on a project. I’m always behind on a project…partly because I don’t like my job and partly because there are so very many projects. My work oscillates between soul crushing boredom and break-neck busy. There never seems to be a happy medium.

I feel like I should focus on my passion, or at least a meaningful project.  I should focus on creating art, create a cookbook of my grandmother’s recipes, or write a memoir of my divorce. Lately, I’ve spent so much time at work that I continually run out of clean clothes and struggle to keep up with the house. My “free” time is occupied with laundry and chores rather than anything enjoyable.

This is no delusion about what adulthood would be like. I’ve worked at a W2 job since I was 14 and worked full time since I was 16. My goal in life was to escape the abuse of my childhood and only in my mid-twenties did I realize there was more to life than working constantly. Can there please be more to my life?