I need to focus like a laser but I feel more like a search light at the moment. Work has been punishing. I’m behind on a project. I’m always behind on a project…partly because I don’t like my job and partly because there are so very many projects. My work oscillates between soul crushing boredom and break-neck busy. There never seems to be a happy medium.
I feel like I should focus on my passion, or at least a meaningful project. I should focus on creating art, create a cookbook of my grandmother’s recipes, or write a memoir of my divorce. Lately, I’ve spent so much time at work that I continually run out of clean clothes and struggle to keep up with the house. My “free” time is occupied with laundry and chores rather than anything enjoyable.
This is no delusion about what adulthood would be like. I’ve worked at a W2 job since I was 14 and worked full time since I was 16. My goal in life was to escape the abuse of my childhood and only in my mid-twenties did I realize there was more to life than working constantly. Can there please be more to my life?