Growing up, my mother was very abusive. The older I get and the more time I spend around Jonathan’s kids, the harder it is for me to justify her behavior.
She’s mentally ill, I’d rationalize in my teens. She can’t help it. She’s not doing it on purpose. It must be me. Something I’m doing as a teenager is causing my mother’s behavior. Things will get better when I’m older.
Things haven’t gotten better as I’ve gotten older. Instead of growing to understand her behavior, I’m angry. The more time I spend around Jonathan’s kids, the more I hate my mother for the things she did. The screaming. Sleeping all day long. Storming across the room to slap me. Grab me. Jerk me across the room by my arm…
I just don’t understand how a mother could do this to a kid…her kid.