My dad forgot my birthday

My dad forgot my birthday. This is the sort of thing that normal people would feel upset about, but I feel nothing really. I expected him to forget.

My mother does not forget my birthday. She just rarely wishes me a happy birthday because she wants me to believe that she has forgotten. She does so intentionally to hurt me. Everything is a game to my mother. She must always inflict more pain on a given person than she believes that person has inflicted upon her. In her mind, every accidental meanness is completely intentional.  I know my mother remembers my birthday. Sometimes her boyfriend calls me on my birthday to wish me well and he has a terrible memory. Obviously she mentioned my birthday -or lamented my existence as she often does- to her boyfriend.

On the other hand my dad just doesn’t care. He’s not a forgetful man. My dad pays his bills on time, remembers the birthdays of my sister, brother, their children, my grandmother, aunts, and uncles. My dad remembers his parent’s wedding anniversary, that the flowers were white lilies, and what year my grandmother lost her hearing in one ear. He just doesn’t care enough to remember my birthday.

What can I expect of a man who wanted a son so he taught me son things until he had a son then dropped me like a hot potato. A man who taught me how to cook until my sister was old enough to learn to cook then excluded me from the kitchen. When he and my mother were getting divorced, my mother threw my sister and I out of the house. He offered my sister a place to stay, but not me. While he and my sister slept in separate rooms with separate beds and blankets, I slept on the couch in my grandmother’s junk room. I had to climb over mounds of black plastic trash bags stuffed with clothes and cloth to get to the couch. They didn’t even clear a space. Most of the time, I slept in the front seat of my truck or stayed with a friend’s parents. It was painfully obvious I wasn’t welcome there.

So, you see,  it’s really no surprise he forgot my birthday. I expected him to forget. I’m not the type of thing he tends to remember.

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13 thoughts on “My dad forgot my birthday

  1. My wife also has very bad memories of her mother and father. It is hard to forget. I am sorry you were and are treated so badly.

  2. It doesn’t help the hurt but in your mom’s birthday, wish him happy birthday and vice versa. Reminding them off an exes birthday is always good payback. If it works then the next year do it with a card

    1. The issue isn’t really that they forget, but more that they never much cared in the first place. I don’t know how being a jerk to them will change any of this.

      Mostly, I avoid my immediate family. Lots of abuse and neglect growing up and they still behave pretty badly.

      1. It won’t change a thing but sometimes if it lets you giggle, it is worth it. Just remember, you can’t have a full future without releasing the hold the past has on you.

  3. Ugh. I hope you have gotten some good therapy and have found the kind voice inside that should have been the kind voices outside when you were young . . .

  4. It seems like we had the same parents. Mine remembered my birthdays but it was more of an obligation than celebration. Dad would give me money but always ruin it by saying “don’t do anything stupid with it”. I kind of wish they had just forgotten it. But they are gone now and I have been able to put all the bad memories away and have forgiven them.

    I hope you don’t read into this and come out with bad thoughts of yourself. You are better than them because you have accepted them as they are. Good for you.

    1. I’m doing all right mostly. Work, kids, making it thru life. I do try to check your posts. Sometimes the reader doesn’t work on my phone so I can only check when I’m on a “real” computer.

      How are you doing?

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