Jonathan Smokes Weed

Jonathan smokes weed. I didn’t know this before we lived together. I mean, I was vaguely aware that he had in the past, but not that he smokes weed every night. Every night, I smell it on his clothes. It’s not my imagination. The scent is unmistakeable. Only burning walnut tree leaves and branches smell similar.

My mother’s “friend” would smoke weed before he came to my room at night. I was 5, maybe 6, and he would come in my room and get in bed with me on nights when my dad was at work smelling of cheap beer and weed. I thought that if I tucked the Care Bear Comforter tightly around my body like a sleeping bag that he couldn’t get to me, but that never worked. The smell brings back the memories.

I suspect Jonathan uses weed to treat anxiety. He is lovingly referred to “Anxiety Man” by a few of my friends who also suffer from anxiety attacks.

Jonathan knows I was physically and emotionally abused as a child. However, Jonathan doesn’t know I was raped by my mother’s boyfriend. Jonathan doesn’t talk about certain things that happened during his childhood but he does allude to those things. The things which happened that he’ll “never tell anyone about”.  Since he will never tell anyone, I will never tell him.

We all have our secrets, I suppose.

5 thoughts on “Jonathan Smokes Weed

  1. If you don’t want to tell him why the smell bothers you, do you think you could tell him that it bothers your allergies and ask him to hotbox the bathroom and then clean it afterward?

    1. We literally live in the middle of nowhere as in 30min from a grocery store. He usually hotboxes his truck or smokes beside the fire pit at night. It’s just that he comes in smelling of weed and it causes flashbacks. I don’t know how to explain that to him.

      1. :-(. I don’t know either. I understand the power of smell on memories and causing flashbacks. I also understand that it is something he does for relaxation. If he knows about him abusing you, maybe you could just tell him to keep a “smoking” jacket because the smell reminds you of him. It won’t get rid of the smell, but it would reduce it some. It is a tough situation.

  2. Sadly, we all have secrets. I never tell how I was treated as a child the first few years of my life and what the some girls did to me at grade school once—-life changing. I guess Jonathan needs weed to calm down, but in my opinion with is worth nothing, it is not a good choice. I wish him and you well.

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