The Suicide


Recently a friend of mine committed suicide. He wasn’t a close friend, more of a friend-quaintance; someone who is more of an acquaintance but you run into them frequently and they’re friends with your other friends but the two of you don’t hang out. We participated in some charity photo events together.

He had attained a level of success as a photographer that I dream about. His work was published across several cities, every weekend was booked with top-dollar weddings, he had a studio of his own… In fact, the June calendar on his website shows he’s booked every weekend through the summer wedding season. He made money doing what he loved and that is most every artists dream.

He was in his 40’s. He was engaged once, but the engagement ended. I don’t know why. His current girlfriend was 20 years his junior. They didn’t live together. He regularly fostered kittens from a local shelter. He regularly posted his work on social media.He shot a wedding and posted edited photos online less than a week before he died and posted macro photos of garden flowers days before he died.

His mother died a few weeks ago. He was sad, but normal-sad. He wasn’t the sort of sad that most of us assume suicidal people might be. He wasn’t the sort of un-showered, despondent, sullen, withdrawn sort of sad. He was sad like any other person who lost a parent but didn’t commit suicide. No one saw this coming.

What is most shocking to me is that he achieved his dream. He achieved the dream of running a successful photography business where he could support himself from his art and had thousands of fans. Then he killed himself. He had family, friends, pets, thousands of fans…then he killed himself.

8 thoughts on “The Suicide

  1. vocation, advocation, the daily grind or “just” art…success or “just” sucks… terms define and often dictate …I am an other’s definition…therefore I am? It can be “all” sad…


  2. How sad. You just never know what is truly in someone else’s head and heart, especially if they keep it locked away from everyone else. He may have *only* been an acquaintance, but I imagine you’re affected by his action and it’s obviously a shock. Are you ok? 🙂

    1. You’re actually the only person who as asked if I’m ok. Then again, I talked to 2 people about this IRL so, yeah…

      I’m OK. It was very shocking. Not just to me, but to all of his closest friends.

      1. I can imagine. Something like this throws up all kinds of painful questions, and I feel for the people who are probably beating themselves up for not having seen it coming, who are blaming themselves for not being able to stop it.

        The truth is that this poor man was evidently fixed on checking out and didn’t want or couldn’t accept anyone trying to help bring him round from his decision. It takes an enormous amount of emotional effort to keep such a decision so closely guarded. There were no outward signs of anything other than a fulfilled and happy life, and he was even grieving within “normal” parameters, so there wasn’t anything for anyone to spot. I hope no-one is blaming themselves, but it must be so very hard to think differently.

        I feel for everyone/ anyone who is going through this situation. It’s awful. A newly and amicably ex-ed boyfriend of mine tried to kill himself once (he was fortunately interrupted by the unexpected return of his his brother, quite by chance, and only survived because of it) and it turned out that the laughing, happy-sounding phone call he’d made to me the previous evening had been made whilst he was writing his suicide note to me. He’d even asked me to help him with some of the spelling. I found several crossed out versions of it in his bin. I’ll never forget how I felt then. It was heart-breaking.

        I’m glad you’re ok……and I hope you are, but it’s ok if you’re not; if you need to talk about it, I’m always here 🙂

        L. X

      2. Thanks. The more I learn, the more I think he decided to commit suicide on a whim. It wasn’t something that he had planned far in advance and the circumstances were pretty impulsive. One night he decided that he just couldn’t take it anymore, downed a bottle of pills, and went to bed. Not that this makes it any less sad, but it does take away some of the guilt his closer friends had been feeling about not spotting the signs.

      3. You’re welcome 🙂

        Short of psychic ability, if there were no signs to see, no-one could possibly have seen them. I’m glad he hasn’t left a trail of guilt behind. X

    2. You’re actually the only person who as asked if I’m ok. Then again, I talked to 2 people about this IRL so, yeah…

      I’m OK. It was very shocking. Not just to me, but to all of his closest friends.

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