A friend died today. I haven’t told anyone. I’m good at writing about what is bothering me, but nearly never talk about anything that is bothering me. I’ve known this friend over a decade. He has been very sick for quite a while so his passing was expected in the way that you acknowledge very sick people may pass away.
On one hand, I’m relieved he is no longer suffering through the severe pain and progressive loss of physical ability that plagued him. On the other hand, I feel like I’ve been hit with a lightning bolt of sadness. I’ve lost one of my only friends who understood how it feels to struggle through chronic, debilitating illness.
He was there for me when ExHusband left. I had recently been diagnosed with RA and fibro. ExHusband handled my diagnosis and debilitating illness by abandoning me. At first the abandonment was emotional. ExHusband withdrew pleasantries, affection, and any willingness to help around the house. Next, ExHusband began having affairs. Then he stole $40,000 and physically left. My friend was one of the only people who understood how I felt (like my chronically ill heart had been ripped out and stomped to a pulp). We’d talk for hours and hours about our lives.
I just miss my friend so much.